While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish i was in the wii world.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
