you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
