I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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