I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
