She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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