My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
