I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
