I hate your face
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
