Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
