u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
