Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I love you. Go after that dick
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
