on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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