Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
