the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
