my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
