i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
