Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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