hell yes lets make some ravioli
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
