Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
