yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
