Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
3 2 1 whiskey
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
