when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
