when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
