You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
