Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
