It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
