I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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