someone threw a dead crab at me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
