I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
