definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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