Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
