I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
