Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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