sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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