I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
