you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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