in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
