I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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