We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
