so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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