There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
