saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We need to get me chipped asap
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
