So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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