You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
