pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
