Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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