I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
