you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
