also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
God, I missed his penis.
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