That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
