Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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