I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
