I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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